In the modern incarnation of our great game, football’s off seasons have seemed as short as a Mick Malthouse press conference after a loss. While the players and coaches do take a break from the actual playing of the game, in their place, the football media seems to play a game of their own, a game not so much steeped in tradition but hysteria.
With the start of the real season (the one where we care if our team wins or loses) still weeks away, the football loving public have had to endure a barrage of what could loosely be described as football discussion focusing on, in no particular order, Ben Cousins, the bump, Ben Cousins, the countdown clock, Ben Cousins, the rolling zone and ugly footy, Ben Cousins, not so friendly Blues, Richmond and the whereabouts of a recovering addict whose name eludes me at the minute.
Despite all this expansive and usually, over the top coverage, some in the media still found the time to have a go at the less “media friendly” clubs. Like that’s all we need, more football puff pieces. The clubs taking this stance (and one of them is my own team) should be applauded and awarded a medal for services to the sport of Aussie Rules.
As always though, these summer stories are mere sideshows to the main game, filling in the hours as we count down to the start of a new season. The Hawks, and I’m quite chuffed about this, go in as reigning premiers, and, as is the case with most premiers, have the other clubs frantically trying to copy their style of play, Clarkson’s Cluster or the rolling zone trialled extensively during the preseason competition.
So it seems the biggest issues of 2009 will revolve around space. As clubs employ the rolling zone defence will teams be able to find enough of it out in the middle? Will the football media fill any of it on their schedules with matters pertaining to the actual game? Will the fans be able to find some of it from all the media hype long enough to actually enjoy games? And will Ben Cousins be afforded any of it both on and off the ground? The answers will probably be yes, no, yes and no but let’s not kill the suspense.
Then again, killing the suspense is what I’m all about so here’s a prescient look at each club in reverse order to how they finished in 2008.
Melbourne: Thought I’d list the teams in reverse order to give Dees’ fans a feel of what it is like to be on top of a ladder. Then again, they could just go down to Bunnings and buy one as it would probably be a better investment than a membership.
West Coast: Missed out on the number one draft choice last year but likely to get a chance to atone this year.
Fremantle: What do the Fremantle football club and Kevin Rudd have in common? They both spend a lot of time traveling for very little result. Expect that to continue in 2009, on both fronts.
Port Adelaide: I’m not sure what to make of Port. They keep telling us how good they are but, quite frankly, I just don’t see it. But I want to hear Mark Williams tell me that I was wrong so therefore, I think they’ll win the flag this year.
Essendon: Regular readers would be aware of my distaste for the Bombers, but they’ve been so bad the past few seasons that you can’t help feel a little sorry for them. I expect that pity to end this season – not because they’ll win more games, just that I’ll get tired of feeling sorry for them.
Carlton: “They know we’re coming.” Trust Carlton to come up with the most arrogant membership drive slogan. Clearly Cameron Cloke didn’t know Setanta was. Anyway, Carlton fans have been known to suffer from premature celebration in the past.
Brisbane: A switch of roles as Michael Voss takes over the coaching while Leigh Matthews steps into the commentary box. A win/win as now we get to listen to Lethal and the Brisbane players have to endure Vossy.
Richmond: The Tigers have found themselves in the news a bit after picking up a player with a bit of a past. And from all reports Tom Hislop has had a terrific preseason. Not sure if he’ll make much of a difference though. Frustrated at regular ninth place finishes, will finish tenth this year.
North Melbourne: Apparently the Kangaroos are a bit tired of the constant references to the Shinboner Spirit when their team wins. I would imagine that one easy way to fix this is not to win. I think they may get plenty of opportunities to test this theory in 2009.
Adelaide: A coach from a rival code, who coached a team called Adelaide, described his city as a pissant town that will never win anything. I’m not sure exactly what pissant means but I agree wholeheartedly.
Collingwood: Have come out and declared that they are focused on winning a premiership in 2009. To quote Eddie McGuire “We are not saying we will win it this year but we are aiming to win it this year.” Groundbreaking stuff. If they’d thought of this earlier they would surely have won more than one flag in the last fifty years.
Sydney: The Swans have aged as gracefully as Elton John and a rush of retirements has seen them lose more men than Olivia Newton John. Given their fondness for 'mature aged recruits' maybe their best hope would be to get Gareth John back to the club.
St Kilda: Still have some big names on paper – Riewoldt, Koschitzke, Montagna, Dal Santo, Hudghton, McQualter – all have at least eight letters. Don’t know if that’s enough to win a flag though. Are likely to still be the best cure for insomnia known to man.
Western Bulldogs: I don’t want to sound patronising, but how good was it to see the Doggies make a preliminary final last year? Those cutesy wootsy puppy dogs from the west are just so adorable and I know we all have them as our second side. That’s until they find a decent marking forward and become a real threat. Then we will be looking for the nearest needle to help them get some sleep (if you know what I mean).
Geelong: Have lost just three games out of 45 since Round 6, 2007. But you know what they say, “you’re only as good as your last game”. Mind you, we (with what looks like a depleted line up) play them in Round 1 so let’s make that “your only as good as your last grand final”.
Hawthorn: I know I have had a dig at all the other sides, but one must be respectful of the reigning premier. Now, excuse me while I crank up the DVD one more time and return to worship at the foot of the almighty 2008 Weg poster.