Twenty rounds down and just two to go. As the finals inch closer than a Beijing security guard, eleven sides have a mathematical chance of making the finals although for a couple of those sides, Stephen Hawking may be required to make the calculations. Let’s take a look at what lies ahead for your side over the next fortnight.
Geelong: Currently sit four games clear at the top of the ladder. With so little riding on the next couple of games don’t be surprised to see Mark Thompson in the box during games enjoying a three course meal washed down with a nice bottle of red.
Hawthorn: With the Hawks certain to finish either second or third expect the players to get in some valuable nightclub time over the next few weeks. Most interest lies in whether Buddy can get his 100… women for the year that is.
Western Bulldogs: Like the Hawks a top three position is assured. Therefore will use the next fortnight to finalise a policy on Jason Akermanis handstands during the finals.
North Melbourne: Like those poor kids working in sweatshops in China, North Melbourne can never afford to stop. Their version of Tiny Tim, Brent Harvey, is a Brownlow favourite and he has two weeks to shore up his position, although if he does win it, he’ll probably need to sell it to fund the team’s finals campaign and next batch of shinboner spirit.
Adelaide: The Crows lead a host of teams who could finish fourth or miss the finals completely. The prize for finishing fourth is a qualifying final against Geelong. Based on how they went last time they met, probably happy to win just one game and finish fifth or sixth.
Sydney: Dad’s Army looks as if they might limp into another finals series although they need to win at least one game to be certain of doing so. Given that both Telstra Dome and the SCG have wheelchair access this should be achievable.
Collingwood: Having put behind them Heath Shaw and Alan Didak’s decisions to get into the panel beating business and subsequent dabble in politics (you know, with the lying and all that), the Magpies are now focused on making the eight and embarking on another ultimately fruitless finals campaign.
St Kilda: A big couple of weeks for the Saints as they look to honour the retiring Robert Harvey, lock up a top eight spot and help Ross Lyon find a personality. I guess two out of three won’t be bad.
Brisbane: Find themselves a game out of the eight with two to go. If Jonathan Brown spends the next fortnight concentrating on footy rather than how he can extract an extra zero at the end of his next contract, the Lions might just sneak in.
Richmond: Last week’s win against Hawthorn gives the Tigers a real chance of finishing ninth. Terry Wallace will then produce a graph showing that the Tigers finished 16th last year, ninth this year and so therefore will finish second next year. This will be enough for the club to offer him a five year contract extension.
Carlton: The Blues, now out of finals contention, will spend the next couple of weeks working out how they can hold onto the number one draft pick which they have made their own the last three years.
Essendon: Will struggle to field a competitive side over the last couple of weeks due to a mounting injury toll, so their season will end much as it started, except with more injuries.
Fremantle: Two weeks left until the Dockers can go back to doing what they do best… enjoying September holidays.
Port Adelaide: After making last year’s Grand Final, Port Adelaide’s disappointing season ends with games against Melbourne and North Melbourne. Much relief in that Mark Williams has not indicated any interest in coaching either of these clubs - relief for Melbourne and North Melbourne that is.
West Coast: A busy couple of weeks for the Eagles. Not so much trying to avoid the wooden spoon but with so many players booked in for surgery, those hospital visits will certainly be taking up a fair bit of the club’s time.
Melbourne: Two weeks left for Melbourne to get itself off the bottom of the ladder and avoid the ignominy of the first draft pick. Surely they couldn’t be that stupid?