Bullying is ongoing physical or verbal aggression by a child or children against other children. It can have detrimental effects on all involved, including the bully. Schools have a responsibility to ensure a safe environment and should have policies to deal with bullying. Parents can help by supporting their child, helping them to develop coping techniques and speaking to the school.
Bullying - it’s more than just intimidation
Bullying is the deliberate desire by one or more people to hurt, threaten or frighten someone with words or actions, and can vary in its severity. Bullying can include threatening, teasing, name-calling, preventing others from going where they want to or doing what they want to, pushing or hitting, and all forms of physical abuse.
why children
are bullied
Children who bully sometimes pick on anyone around them. Sometimes, though, they will choose children who seem easy to hurt. They may pick on children who:
- Look or are different in some way.
- Are stressed, either at home or at school.
- Have a disability.
- Struggle with schoolwork.
- Are not good at sport.
- Lack social confidence.
- Are anxious.
- Are unable to hold their own because of being smaller, weaker or younger.
Occasionally, children provoke other children to bully them by teasing first. A very competitive school environment can contribute to bullying.
look out for signs
and effects
Children who are being bullied may not always tell adults. They may be afraid or ashamed. Some signs of being bullied may include:
- Not wanting to go to school and finding excuses to stay at home (for example, feeling sick).
- Wanting to go to school a different way to avoid the children who are bullying them.
- Being very tense, tearful and unhappy after school.
- Talking about hating school or not having any friends.
- Bruises or scratches.
- Refusing to tell you what happens at school.
Your child may show other signs of unhappiness, such as problems with sleeping. These signs may not necessarily mean your child is being bullied, but you need to check out what is worrying your child.
If bullying is allowed to continue, it can have a very bad effect on the child who is being bullied. If children are allowed to go on bullying, they are more likely to grow up to bully or hit their partners and their own children.
parents can help
There are several things parents can do to help. These include:
- Listen to your child and take their feelings and fears seriously.
- Try not to take everything into your own hands, as this is likely to make your child feel less in control.
- Help your child to work out their own ideas about coping with the problem.
- Don’t call your child names (such as ‘weak’ or ‘a sook’) and don’t let anyone else do so.
- If the bullying is verbal teasing, you may be able to help your child to learn to ignore it. Practise at home ways to help your child gain confidence (for example, walking past with their head up).
- Help your child think of ways to avoid the situation (for example, by going home a different way or staying with a group).
- Some children are helped by imagining a special wall around them, which protects them so that the hard words bounce off.
- Work on building your child’s confidence in things they do well.
- Be very careful that your child does not feel that being bullied is their fault.
at school
If bullying happens at school, talk to the school about it. Many schools have policies that deal with bullying.
- Make a list of the things that have happened to your child. Be clear and be firm about their suffering. Be prepared to name the children who bully. If bullying persists, write down ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’ and ‘when’.
- Talk to the school principal about the school’s way of dealing with bullying and what steps they take to prevent it and protect children from it.
- Talk to the teacher about what can be done to help your child. Keep in contact until the problem is sorted out.
- If you find it difficult to go to the school and talk about this, take a friend with you.
It is important to get professional support if this is an ongoing problem for your child, or if it happens to your child a lot in different situations and with different children.
if your child is
the bully
If your child is bullying others, it is worth looking at the home environment and considering issues such as:
- The way you handle discipline - are you modelling helpful ways to communicate with other people?
- Is there unhappiness, arguing, marital discord, fighting or violence at home?
- Is your child worried or frightened about something? Where is your child learning the bullying behaviour? Are you keeping in contact with the school?
- Is the school handling it?
where to get help
- Your child’s school
- Your doctor
- Your local community health centre
- Youth worker.
things to remember
- Let your child know that bullying is wrong, take your child’s fears and feelings seriously, and help work out ways of dealing with it.
- Reassure your child that being bullied is not their fault, and that something can and will be done about it.
- Let your child know that bullying happens to lots of children.
- Protect your child by involving the school or club, or those in charge of wherever the bullying is happening.
- Help your child to feel good about the other things in his or her life.
This information has been provided by the Better Health Channel. Fact sheets on the Better Health Channel are updated regularly. For the most recent information on this topic go to www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au.
Bullying is the deliberate desire by one or more people to hurt, threaten or frighten someone with words or actions, and can vary in its severity. Bullying can include threatening, teasing, name-calling, preventing others from going where they want to or doing what they want to, pushing or hitting, and all forms of physical abuse.
why children
are bullied
Children who bully sometimes pick on anyone around them. Sometimes, though, they will choose children who seem easy to hurt. They may pick on children who:
- Look or are different in some way.
- Are stressed, either at home or at school.
- Have a disability.
- Struggle with schoolwork.
- Are not good at sport.
- Lack social confidence.
- Are anxious.
- Are unable to hold their own because of being smaller, weaker or younger.
Occasionally, children provoke other children to bully them by teasing first. A very competitive school environment can contribute to bullying.
look out for signs
and effects
Children who are being bullied may not always tell adults. They may be afraid or ashamed. Some signs of being bullied may include:
- Not wanting to go to school and finding excuses to stay at home (for example, feeling sick).
- Wanting to go to school a different way to avoid the children who are bullying them.
- Being very tense, tearful and unhappy after school.
- Talking about hating school or not having any friends.
- Bruises or scratches.
- Refusing to tell you what happens at school.
Your child may show other signs of unhappiness, such as problems with sleeping. These signs may not necessarily mean your child is being bullied, but you need to check out what is worrying your child.
If bullying is allowed to continue, it can have a very bad effect on the child who is being bullied. If children are allowed to go on bullying, they are more likely to grow up to bully or hit their partners and their own children.
parents can help
There are several things parents can do to help. These include:
- Listen to your child and take their feelings and fears seriously.
- Try not to take everything into your own hands, as this is likely to make your child feel less in control.
- Help your child to work out their own ideas about coping with the problem.
- Don’t call your child names (such as ‘weak’ or ‘a sook’) and don’t let anyone else do so.
- If the bullying is verbal teasing, you may be able to help your child to learn to ignore it. Practise at home ways to help your child gain confidence (for example, walking past with their head up).
- Help your child think of ways to avoid the situation (for example, by going home a different way or staying with a group).
- Some children are helped by imagining a special wall around them, which protects them so that the hard words bounce off.
- Work on building your child’s confidence in things they do well.
- Be very careful that your child does not feel that being bullied is their fault.
at school
If bullying happens at school, talk to the school about it. Many schools have policies that deal with bullying.
- Make a list of the things that have happened to your child. Be clear and be firm about their suffering. Be prepared to name the children who bully. If bullying persists, write down ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’ and ‘when’.
- Talk to the school principal about the school’s way of dealing with bullying and what steps they take to prevent it and protect children from it.
- Talk to the teacher about what can be done to help your child. Keep in contact until the problem is sorted out.
- If you find it difficult to go to the school and talk about this, take a friend with you.
It is important to get professional support if this is an ongoing problem for your child, or if it happens to your child a lot in different situations and with different children.
if your child is
the bully
If your child is bullying others, it is worth looking at the home environment and considering issues such as:
- The way you handle discipline - are you modelling helpful ways to communicate with other people?
- Is there unhappiness, arguing, marital discord, fighting or violence at home?
- Is your child worried or frightened about something? Where is your child learning the bullying behaviour? Are you keeping in contact with the school?
- Is the school handling it?
where to get help
- Your child’s school
- Your doctor
- Your local community health centre
- Youth worker.
things to remember
- Let your child know that bullying is wrong, take your child’s fears and feelings seriously, and help work out ways of dealing with it.
- Reassure your child that being bullied is not their fault, and that something can and will be done about it.
- Let your child know that bullying happens to lots of children.
- Protect your child by involving the school or club, or those in charge of wherever the bullying is happening.
- Help your child to feel good about the other things in his or her life.
This information has been provided by the Better Health Channel. Fact sheets on the Better Health Channel are updated regularly. For the most recent information on this topic go to www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au.